abandonment issues feat. Nate Bookout (and Domino)
from good morning, cruel world by Nico!
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about
a poem about my dog, featuring Nate on the piano, and some of the weird sounds my dog makes.
lyrics
abandonment issues
“love takes you where you need to go, no exceptions.” - jim moore
the day i adopted my dog
i expected him to have
abandonment issues.
i expected him to pee on everything
tear up my pillows
and howl into the void of
his missing trust,
the same way we all handle
our heartbreak.
that day
i expected him to look at me
like life was pavlov’s experiment unfulfilled
all bell and no treat --
the same way i look at people
like they are a betrayal
waiting to happen.
but that evening
he ran across my yard
like my childhood on four legs
until he came to a stop at my feet
and hopped into my arms
like he had always belonged there.
i wonder what it must be like
to love like that: like no one
has ever given you up.
to make new friends without the snarl
of old ones stuck
between your teeth.
to sleep in a person’s bed
without worrying
they’ll push you out
at any minute.
that love follows me around the house,
and i trip over him every day.
he always gets under my feet
and love always forgives me
when i step on his paws
with a wagging tail.
because of him
i am learning to forgive people
when they accidentally kick me.
i know they don’t mean it
just as he knows i don’t.
it’s just that i haven’t convinced myself
that i do not deserve
the rolled up newspaper
of other people’s disappointment
forgiving others isn’t half as hard
as forgiving myself
for all the times i drove someone’s trust
to an unknown neighborhood, and let it
out of the car, knowing
it would never find me again.
these are the bones i have buried
in my backyard, and he brings them
like gifts, like i might chew and digest
the marrow of all the pain i’ve buried
in the dirt of my shallow skin.
i am learning to forgive myself,
the same way he forgives me
on the days my depression
keeps me in my bed
and I tell him “i’m sorry.
we can’t go on a walk today.”
but on my good days,
we walk around our neighborhood
and i keep watch
when he pees on another dog’s pee,
because honestly,
that feels like a victory for both of us.
and when it’s time to head back
he trails after me
like i am a star
he can always trust
to point him in the direction
of home.
“love takes you where you need to go, no exceptions.” - jim moore
the day i adopted my dog
i expected him to have
abandonment issues.
i expected him to pee on everything
tear up my pillows
and howl into the void of
his missing trust,
the same way we all handle
our heartbreak.
that day
i expected him to look at me
like life was pavlov’s experiment unfulfilled
all bell and no treat --
the same way i look at people
like they are a betrayal
waiting to happen.
but that evening
he ran across my yard
like my childhood on four legs
until he came to a stop at my feet
and hopped into my arms
like he had always belonged there.
i wonder what it must be like
to love like that: like no one
has ever given you up.
to make new friends without the snarl
of old ones stuck
between your teeth.
to sleep in a person’s bed
without worrying
they’ll push you out
at any minute.
that love follows me around the house,
and i trip over him every day.
he always gets under my feet
and love always forgives me
when i step on his paws
with a wagging tail.
because of him
i am learning to forgive people
when they accidentally kick me.
i know they don’t mean it
just as he knows i don’t.
it’s just that i haven’t convinced myself
that i do not deserve
the rolled up newspaper
of other people’s disappointment
forgiving others isn’t half as hard
as forgiving myself
for all the times i drove someone’s trust
to an unknown neighborhood, and let it
out of the car, knowing
it would never find me again.
these are the bones i have buried
in my backyard, and he brings them
like gifts, like i might chew and digest
the marrow of all the pain i’ve buried
in the dirt of my shallow skin.
i am learning to forgive myself,
the same way he forgives me
on the days my depression
keeps me in my bed
and I tell him “i’m sorry.
we can’t go on a walk today.”
but on my good days,
we walk around our neighborhood
and i keep watch
when he pees on another dog’s pee,
because honestly,
that feels like a victory for both of us.
and when it’s time to head back
he trails after me
like i am a star
he can always trust
to point him in the direction
of home.
credits
from good morning, cruel world,
released August 1, 2016
Writing and Voice -- Nico Wilkinson
Piano -- Nate Bookout
Writing and Voice -- Nico Wilkinson
Piano -- Nate Bookout
license
all rights reserved
tags
about
Nico! Colorado Springs, Colorado
i'm a genderqueer spoken word poet that lives in colorado springs. i write identity stuff, body stuff, brain stuff. i write about the things that make me get out of bed in the morning.
discography
-
Aug 2016
contact / help
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